Here is an example of not burying the lede lead:

CENTERTON, Ark. -- The mayor of an Arkansas town resigned on Wednesday, claiming he was abducted and brainwashed by Satan worshippers nearly three decades ago.

OKAY THEN. You've got my attention. Let's read on:

He said he was abducted and brainwashed into forgetting all about his life as Don LaRose.

It was a double-life he had never acknowledged, Williams said, because he didn't even realize it existed until he had recently taken a truth-serum injection.

As Williams regained his memory, he said, he realized that he had a wife and two kids but that he had decided to leave and take on a new identity to protect them.

"I had no choice. The choice was to watch my family killed before my eyes or go with these people, and I chose instead to run," Williams said.

You know how sometimes you here a story that's REALLY REALLY interesting, but it's just not satisfying because there are a few gaping plot holes? Well, that's what's happening here. For example, why on EARTH did he take a truth serum? It's simply NEVER EXPLAINED. What the hell IS a truth serum, anyway? Does that even really exist? I mean, who even says "serum" outside of comic books? Does he mean sodium thiopental, which is most commonly used during anesthesia, and only lasts about 10 minutes with no lingering "truthy" effects? I mean, really.

Oh, and also, whatever happened to the abductors? They just sort of vanish from the guy's story after the exciting opening sentence. As a Catholic friend once said to me in all sincerity after seeing a documentary about Anton LaVey: "I've just got to learn more about these Satanists."

Now it just feels like looking in the mirror and feeling ugly.

I found this image online (click it to see the full version) and sent it to Daniel; and he was like, "wtf ... what exactly do you DO on the internet??"

Here are my mom's recipes for Thanksgiving. You don't need to make anything else, just mushroom soup and sally lunn rolls. There, you're done. Oh, you want a turkey, too? Greedy.

mushrump soup

1/2 lb mushrooms
4 tbsp butter
1/2 cup chopped celery
1 onion
2 cups poultry stock
2 tbsp flour
1 cup milk
2-3 whole cloves
1/2 small bay leaf
1 tbsp white wine
1/8 tsp paprika
1/8 tsp nutmug
salt to taste

you might want to double this recipe.

•clean & chop mushrooms, celery, 1/4 cup onion
•sautee mushrooms in 2 tbsp butter
•add celery, chopped onion
•when onion is translucent, add stock
•cover & simmer 20 mins
•meanwhile:
•in large pot over low, heat 2 tbsp butter
•slowly add 2 tbsp flour, 1 cup milk
•once thickened, add whole halved onion w/cloves pushed into flat side, 1/2 small bay leaf
•stir constantly
•when veggies are done, remove onion, cloves, leaf from rue & pour in stock
•puree & add veggies
•heat to low boil, stirring
•add wine, paprika, nutmeg, salt

sally lunn rolls

1 envelope yeast (1 scant tablespoon)
3/4 cup warm water
1/4 cup sugar
2 tsp salt
3/4 cut warm milk (1:30 on high)
1/2 cup softened butter, cut in pieces
3 eggs room temp (beaten together)
5-6 cups flour

1. Start yeast (in water with 1 tsp of the sugar). Meantime, combine
remaining ingredients in mixer bowl
2. When yeast proofed (about 10 minutes), combine with dry ingredients &
beat about 2 min. (makes a very soft dough)
3. Let rise til doubled, about 1 hr
4. Stir down & spoon into 24 greased muffin cups. Cover & let rise about 1
hr
5. Bake in preheated 250 degree oven for 25 minutes
6. Cool in pans 25 minutes, then on a rack
7. Refrigerate up to one week or freeze up to 1 month (thaw rolls before
browning)
8. Please rolls on greased baking sheet in a 400 degree oven 10-15
minutes.(watch carefully)

Some politician was campaigning in Australia this weekend, and the following occurred:

But the pesky media travelling with the Labor leader continued to ask questions, leading Mr Rudd to say, "one more local question and then we'd better zip".

When a journalist asked if he could ask a national question, Mr Rudd responded with: "Zob zob zob."

Okay, that's funny already. But it gets better:

"Zob zob zob" is apparently French vernacular for a man's genitalia, and is also the name of a French hardcore movie from 1977.

Whether Mr Rudd, who conducted an interview in Mandarin for a Chinese television news channel, is fluent in French is unknown.

Hee!

I sent James off to England today; for the next week, he'll be there on business, and I'll be here feeling lonely. After he left, I made dinner and listened to This American Life, which unfortunately this week was about death, and weepy rememberings of the feeling of being separated from loved ones. So now I'm all weepy too. I feel like one of those gothic sea-captains' widows, perched atop a cliff with a handkerchief and lantern, staring into the dark until I'm a transparent ghost too.

I'd like to draw your attention to the helpful message recently left on this post, in which I ask, "There's obviously a reason that we are allowed to talk about, for example, being attracted to Daniel Radcliffe; but we must never reveal the physical extent of our attraction. Why? What's the benefit to keeping that a secret?"

Here is a commenter's response, left by a man who has condemned himself to never being hired by anyone who knows how to use Google:

try one raw piece of meat with butter between it feel jus like da reel thing

Thank you, Internet.