Ima Gonna
June 6, 2008 7:01 PM | 0

 

I have no idea why, but there's a ton of REALLY AWESOME STORIES written in all-caps here. An excerpt:

VERY SUDDENLY CINDY STRAIGHTENS UP AND BASICALLY SCREAMS OUT IN THAT ROBOTIC WHEEZE OF HERS "LOOK OUT EVERYBODY!!! IMA GONNA KICK DAVID IN THE FACE!!!!!"

I KIND OF SIT UP SMARTLY AND FEEL LIKE I'VE JUST COME OUT OF A DREAM OR SOMETHING. HAVING THIS MASSIVE BEAST OF A WOMAN KICK ME IN THE FACE IS A SOBERING THOUGHT. I'M CONTEMPLATING THE WHOLE SITUATION WHEN CINDY BEGINS HER CHARGE AND SLOWLY PLOWS TOWARDS ME LIKE A LINEBACKER. I'M THINKING I MIGHT HAVE 5, 10 SECONDS BEFORE I'M ON THE RECEIVING END OF A FLABBY FOOT WHEN CINDY SUDDENLY KICKS FORWARD.

AT THIS POINT SHE IS STILL A GOOD 9 FEET AWAY FROM ME. I HAVE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE MISJUDGE DISTANCE SO BADLY IN MY LIFE. SHE HAS TAKEN MAYBE 2 STEPS, TOPS, AND HAS SOMEHOW DECIDED HER TONELESS WRETCH OF A LEG IS GOING TO REACH ME. OF COURSE IT DOESN'T, BUT WHAT'S INTERESTING IS THAT SHE DOES MANAGE TO KICK THIS 80 YEAR OLD WOMAN SITTING QUIETLY RIGHT IN THE FACE.