Recap of this weekend's #campcourage
May 4, 2009 2:07 PM | 0

 

Look at that, a #hashtag in a blog post! What strange times we live in.

Anyway, this weekend I went to the Courage Campaign's training event in Oakland. It's basically just a re-skinning of Camp Obama, with equality as the new campaign. It was pretty packed -- maybe 200 or so people -- and fairly busy, running from 9 to 5 both days. The time was split between speeches, applause, tips & tricks, strategy briefings, more applause, practice sessions, and also applause. Clap clap clap. I found some of it a little too woo-woo California-crunchy for my tastes -- the motto of the event was "Respect, Empower, Include" -- but I understand that most humans are not like me and they really need that stuff. So, they got plenty of it.

(Sidenote: I've lived in SF for 8 years, and that was the first time I've ever gotten off the BART before Berkeley. Did you know Oakland is a real city, with office buildings and bus stops and electricity? Who knew!)

It would be impossible to sum up everything that happened this weekend, but here are what I think were some of the most important points. Really, what it all comes down to is marketing. Of course they didn't call it that, but most of what we did was just honing a sales pitch.

Tell Good Stories About Why Marriage Equality Matters to You

There's tricks to telling good stories:

1. Paint a vivid, specific scenario
2. Express the emotions of the people in the story
3. Describe a difficult choice that someone faced
4. Explain the situation and emotion that resulted from that choice

There were a lot of great real-life examples -- running away from home, shame, parents' fears, returning to church. It was like This American Life.

It's important to know what your story is (they called it your "story of self," which sounds a little too poetic for me), and to be able to tell it in just a minute or two. You can persuade a lot of people by telling them a heartfelt story.

Persuade Through Agreement

• One of the women leading the training was a former lawyer -- a really really good one. She had fantastic tips:
• Talking AT people never works. Talk WITH them.
• That means listening and asking questions. Your mouth should be closed at least 50% of the time.
• Figure out what you want the outcome of the conversation to be -- you don't have to fully convince someone, often it's enough to just plant the seed of an idea.
• Most importantly: help people discover what you are saying on their own. Don't try to force them with arguments: instead, shift their perspective. Show them a new way of looking at things.
• You do that by listening. Find out who you're talking to, and what they want. Start by agreeing with them; and then gradually move from a point of common agreement so that they can see how you got from point a to point b.
• Don't hit them with arguments -- on marriage equality, people aren't thinking, they're feeling. Know your evidence and arguments backwards and forwards; but only pull them out after you've spent time listening, acknowledging, finding common ground, and exchanging feelings.
• I hate all this stuff. Emotions! Pah! But it's really interesting how well humans respond to it. They are curious mammals.

Why Do People Vote Against Us?

Potential allies tend to cite these three reasons for opposing gay couples:

• Faith
• Tradition
• Children

Remember, they're not thinking, they're feeling. So it doesn't work to just say, "there is no threat to faith," or "marriage has been changed many times," or "this doesn't effect schools." At best, people will say, "oh, I suppose you're right," but their tone of voice will say, "I know you're right, but I think I'm right too; and I believe me instead of you."

Fortunately, we got some very good training in how to have productive conversations on all three topics. A key point: telling your own personal story. But there's more to it than that, a whole process of acknowledging the values of your potential ally and finding common ground and asking questions.

I'm not sure if we're supposed to be talking about that training, or if they want to keep it under wraps. In my opinion, keeping it secret is the worst thing they could do; but maybe there's some reason they don't want it to fall into enemy hands. I'll post more about it if I get permission to do so.

So, there you have it: tell good stories; perusade through agreement; anticipate certain arguments and know how to discuss them. It was a very good weekend.

My next step, I think, is going to be to spread this information. We learned so much valuable stuff, but there were only a few hundred of us. Some of it was difficult, and could only be learned in an immersion experience like Camp Courage. But other stuff -- like practicing your own personal story -- is something that everyone can do. And everyone should have access to the tips that we had at the camp. So, over the next few weeks, I'll work on ways to help people learn the things that I learned.